Now this is a huge realisation.  I think this is BIG for all of us.

I’m tired.  My body hurts.  I’m waking up in the mornings with no energy.  How can this be?  I’ve now had 14 weeks off work.  My first thought is ‘what is wrong with me’?  What a terrible first negative thought.  Why isn’t my first thought ‘how can I help me?’  I keep thinking I ‘should’ be feeling amazing and jumping around with endless energy.  But I’m not.  Why is that??????  Why? Why? Why? Pressure, pressure, shoulds, expectations.  They don’t help.

I’ve been pushing pretty hard – lots of exercise, starting a blog, learning to use a Mac, starting instagram, consistently posting on Instagram, coaching study, starting coaching, reviewing next steps financially, reviewing friendships, ending a relationship and trying to embrace the laws of attraction (lots of visualisation about a wonderful future, meditating on affirmations, letting go of the how to trust in the universe and practicing never ending gratitude).  I have 3 books with daily exercises and I’ve been doing them all.  Every day.  I am changing my whole mindset and how I think.  Working through my fears about not being good enough.  Embracing curiosity and learning instead.  Letting go of a secure job to start something that will hopefully bring me much more happiness.  That will help me feel I am closer to who I want to be.  How could I not be tired?  Why do I have ‘no full time job = easy’ as a rule in my head?  It’s a made up belief.  I’m working harder than ever.  It matters – I am a billion times more important than any job.  So EVERYTHING in my life is changing and I need to cut myself some slack (except my home – yay for that being consistent).

I’ve had in my head it’s my only chance.  Kinda like what we tell our kids doing their Higher School Certificate.  And I always feel so incredibly sorry for them.  It’s way too much pressure and I firmly believe the system needs to be changed.  It isn’t the be all and end all.  There are always opportunities for new choices and new careers and changes and finding your passion and purpose.  So maybe it’s time for me to start telling myself that.  And listening to myself.

How do we be kind to ourselves?  What does this be kind to yourself even look like?  How does it work? What does it mean?  I imagine immersing myself in a week at a health resort.  I’ve been to Solar Springs quite a number of times now.  What if I was to do more of that?

• easy exercise (I do feel so much worse if I don’t move at all, even though I understand days in bed can be good for you)
• eat 3 good meals a day (with lots of leftovers so that every meal isn’t work to prepare)
• read easy, entertaining and/or inspiring things
• afternoon naps
• go to bed early with a book
• wake up slowly and calmly
• keep meditating
• sure study but only for a few hours a day
• do something joyful – reading in the park, art gallery, catching up with a friend, booking tickets to see inspiring people speak
• minimise drinking
• acknowledgement ALL the fears and issues, write them down, sit with them, feel them and then start shifting them slowly to positive (no more squashing them away – let them out, they won’t overwhelm me)
• FEEL feelings (my new biggest learning but it’s actually ok, they don’t overwhelm us and if we face them and work with them a while we can then let go)
• ALLOW myself whatever I need (oh how it hurts to write this…..)
• Be aware of my thoughts (‘you must stop changing your mind about books’ is what I told myself the other day – why?  who cares?  read as many as you want at a time, stop one and select another if the first isn’t doing it for you…. seriously kiddo, so judgemental about yourself for no reason)

A wise woman told me near the beginning of this journey to REST.  Did I listen?  No, of course not.  A wise man told me over the last couple of weeks to use the saved money I have take another month off.  I’m tired.  I’m working on myself.  It’s hard work. It’s important work.  It sets me up for the future.  Maybe that’s the key.  But it’s the opposite to what I’ve been taught.  EVERYTHING is my life now is so opposite to what I’ve been taught that getting my new mindset to become automatic / the new normal is constant work and vigilance.  No wonder I am tired.  I think I might listen to this advice!  If I can stop underestimating the impact of so much change it will remove so much pressure.

Why are we the meanest to ourselves when we need kindness the most?  We think we are being kind when we try to escape.  Too much alcohol, tubs of chocolate and ice cream, brainless TV but in reality this is just making us feel worse.  We aren’t dealing with the issues.  We are just procrastinating.  So they stay there.  Festering away.  What if we nourished ourselves with positive books, thoughts & people, good food, and wrote in our journal to start to deal with the pain.  To feel it, acknowledge it and slowly work our way out of it.  To get back to happy more quickly.  To not add baggage to our already over sized luggage.

I want to be better at being kind to myself.  Not in a competitive add it to the list type way, but to make life have more ease and joy.  To be a role model for kind to myself.  To spread the message.  To help us all put on our oxygen masks first.  And honestly, life isn’t an emergency, so we shouldn’t even get to that situation.  I want to slow down, I want to feel more peace and fulfilment.  Where does the sense of urgency come from?

This just came to mind from Paul Simon:

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy)

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feelin’ groovy
Ba da da da da da da, feelin’ groovy

Hello, lamppost, what’cha knowin’?
I’ve come to watch your flowers growin’
Ain’t’cha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in doo-doo, feelin’ groovy
Ba da da da da da da, feelin’ groovy

I got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
I’m dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me
Life, I love you
All is groovy

Do you find being kind to yourself a tough task?  Do you think about it?  What would it look like?  Would it make your burden seem lighter if you were physically, mentally and emotionally kinder to yourself?

Be kind to yourself (or at least have a little think about it).

Wx

PS  This week’s video is also about being kind to yourself…  Check it out on the video tab.