This year I’ve decided is all about growing my self worth.

The first area I started reviewing was my relationships and what they have looked like for the last couple of years.  And I don’t feel they have been reflecting me feeling worthy.  So to begin, I am committing to myself that there will be no more relationships in the following areas:

• feeling lonely/I’ve known you a year or two/ have a couple of things in common but no feelings/enthusiasm/commitment to any future event from either party, i.e. emotionally unavailable men
• casual drunken encounters
• married men
• anyone I am not in love with
• or when it will not make me feel good about myself

I’m learning it’s important to clean out the old stuff to make room for the new stuff.  And this can be physical things, mental clutter and/or emotional baggage.  How can new amazing beautiful things come into your life if you are still thinking about and focussing on the stuff not working?  There needs to be space for the greatness to flow in.  Looking ahead at life with joy and anticipation is a sure fire way to bring more joy and happiness into your life.  Dwelling on the stuff not working in your life is, in the same way, just bringing way more of that into your life.

So I deserve better.  I am enough.  I am worthy.  I am loveable.  I am sexy.  I am fun.  So I would like to show the universe this is true by my actions.  I want to walk the talk.  I am prepared to spend time feeling I am missing out, and feeling lonely, if it’s part of an awe inspiring end game.

Lonely, however, can be really hard to deal with.  But I’m finding the biggest learnings are coming to me when I just sit with the loneliness.  Not trying to avoid the discomfort with alcohol or short term relationships that don’t make me feel good.  I sat in a lot of loneliness last year (for all sorts of reasons) and I survived.  I am resilient and I am strong.  I can do it again, if I need to, this year.  But I’m also so much more self aware, so I’ve written myself a whole pile of contingency plans for when I’m feeling lonely and missing some company.

In the quiet reflections I’ve had, I’ve realised I’ve been a little blasé in the past about relationships.  This is a big decision to put my worthiness first.  It’s a mindset shift.  I’ve often used crazy stories about men to be entertaining.  It felt part of my value was having outrageous stories for people (even as recently as yesterday telling friends about kissing an Uber driver earlier this year!).  I felt that was part of my worth.  But I’ve realised it’s not.  I don’t feel that does reflect my true value anymore.  It was a bit of an out of control desperate for attention feeling.  So in the same vein as party animal vs health freak, I am really going to question the reasons behind my actions and try to think before I act.  I want to act from a place of intention rather than a place of habit.

Like all my other challenges, I am going to face this one with curiosity and kindness.  That helped my other challenges (e.g. public speaking and working on my fear of heights) to be successful.  I will pause periodically to really reflect on my feelings and question what I am thinking.  Is my thinking just an illusion and not the truth?  Eg. Truth – single, Illusion – you aren’t worthy so anything will do.  I will not beat myself up for mistakes.  I will delve into them and question what happened and learn.

I truly madly deeply want my heart to sing about my whole life – my work, my tribe, my health, my happiness, my love, my spirit, my adventures, my growth, my fascination with the world.  Everything.

How important is your self worth to you?  ?  How do you prioritise it?  What do you do to keep it strong and healthy?  What do you do to make you feel worthy?  When do you notice you don’t feel good about yourself?  How do you really want to be to really love yourself more?  This is my first deliberate step this year and I’m approaching it with kindness.

Be kind to yourself.

Wx