I was walking through the park yesterday on my way to the art gallery, enjoying the autumn sunshine, when I noticed a young girl, maybe 8 or 9, doing backbends (full wheel pose to those who do yoga) on the grass.  Up and down.  Up and down.  “Look Mum, look Mum, look Mum.”  She was so proud of herself and how much better she was getting.  Practicing and improving.  And she was getting closer to kicking herself back over to standing.  And her Mum was saying all sorts of encouraging things:  “Well done, that’s great, excellent back bend, you are so close, keep trying, one more go, I know you can do it.” etc.

But now as adults whenever we do something new that makes us feel proud, what do we do?  Well quite often, I think nothing.  I feel like a show off telling people that this week I started doing a back bend/ full wheel during my yoga class.  So I don’t say anything.  In another example a friend of mine is so uncomfortable putting the most amazing testimonial from a client on her facebook page because it totally feels like bragging and she sees that as wrong. And I’m so incredibly proud that today is my third Friday in a row doing a fast, and I’ve lost nearly 2 kg this month, but I don’t think people want to hear this – it feels like you are in some sort of one up man ship saying you are better than them.  But the thing is you are so incredibly proud of such big achievements for you (no comparisons to anyone else – just for you and who you were and what you have finally managed to achieve) that you want to shout it from the rooftops.  But I’m finding people generally ignore you because I am assuming it makes them feel bad about themselves because they haven’t achieved it.

When did we start taking others success as personal failure?  Why can’t we look at other people that are pushing their own boundaries and feel inspired to actually take some action too?  Think that it means more might be possible for us? To want to talk to them about it and learn how they did it – learn how we could do some things to take us closer to our dreams.  Why do we look at everything in life as an excuse to beat ourselves up?

Maybe some success is taboo.  Maybe anything to do with our bodies triggers us because we are still stuck striving for perfection and that a perfect body will bring us perfect happiness – perfect friends, perfect love, perfect frolicking adventures, perfect bikini photos, perfectly exquisite holidays and just generally every success possible because we look perfect.  But reading this you all know deep down inside that this is not true.  Our body does not equal our happiness.  Yet is there still a small part of us that thinks it is true?  How we look is a reflection of our success?  If we can control our bodies we can control our lives?

And are some successes ok?  Yay you got an MBA, yay you learnt another language, yay I love listening to you play the piano.  Things we maybe don’t want for ourselves we can truly celebrate for other people.  It’s just the things we want for ourselves that instead of making us feel great love and joy for someone else, we feel a little green-eyed?  Maybe a part of ourselves even thinks they don’t deserve it.  And do we even feel like it’s totally not fair that they got it and we didn’t?  Or do we feel guilty because we know they made the choice and made it happen, yet we chose not to and feel disappointed in ourselves?  Another reason to beat ourselves up.

And is this why we don’t talk about money and pay rises?  Another area of more money = more happiness = more perfect life = SUCCESS?  And messes with what we think we deserve?  And if we feel we are good enough in the world?  And does success prove to ourselves and the world that we are in fact good enough?  How much success and how much money is enough to prove this?  And does the goalpost keep moving?

So I ask you, why do we need to be humble?  Why can’t we shout our successes to the world?  We have worked so hard for them.  We deserve to feel bloody fabulous!!!!  And we deserve to celebrate them – and especially celebrate with those we love because we desperately want to know that deep down inside they are happy for us.

Be kind to yourself (and celebrate ALL your achievements and be inspired by other people).

Wx