I feel we have a deep seated belief that easy is better. If we won lotto we would be happier. If we suddenly lost weight we would be happier. If other people treated us better we would be happier. If we didn’t have to go to work we would love our lives more.
But I’ve just figured out that maybe we are wrong. Think about the times you’ve been the happiest in your life. The times you’ve felt the best. Loved your life the most. Maybe on holidays, your wedding day or the birth of a child. Getting offered a job, running your first marathon, buying a house, falling in love or giving up smoking.
Now think about it like this. To go on holidays you had to make it happen. You had to make a decision about where to go. You had to plan how to travel to get there. You had to save money. You had to be up to date with work before you left. You maybe even got up at 3am to get to the airport and not even cared about the early start. In many ways you worked hard to get to that thing that made you happy. Hmmm not going to comment on giving birth and the word ‘easy’. I think you see my point for most of these situations.
I’m thinking the aim in life, or our purpose in life, is not to make things easy but to feel good. I think feeling good is more important than feeling happy. If the aim is to feel good, what makes you feel good?
Wednesday I was tired when I got home. Thursday was my birthday. I felt I should be allowed to take it easy in the birthday build up! What does taking it easy mean? Well sitting in front of the TV with a wine. I also knew the next 2 days were all about the celebrations so there wouldn’t be anything ‘achieved’, there will just be fun. I really didn’t want to do any of the things I had been planning on doing. And yet I did yoga, I cooked heaps of veggies to go with leftovers, I vacuumed, I did a load of washing, I listened to an inspiring podcast and I did some writing. I didn’t watch TV and I didn’t have any alcohol. So when I went to bed, I felt fantastic for everything I achieved. Life felt on track. I felt healthy. I felt ready to let my hair down for a couple of days. I felt more deserving of it because I’ve worked for it. I felt happy and I felt good. And these things came after NOT taking the easy option.
As another example I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and I said to him that I imagine he is the happiest he’s ever been in life and that he loves his life more now than at any other time. He said yes definitely. Now this is a guy that a couple of years ago decided to get incredibly healthy because he was turning 40. He’s still at the gym every day, pushing himself to new personal bests and feeling fabulous. But on top of that he’s now studying. And he adores what he is doing – he’s passionate about it. But he is at school 3 nights a week!!!! Imagine that. Nothing easy there and nothing easy trying to fit in all your homework and assignments as well as having a life. And yet his life is the best it’s ever been. He’s the happiest he’s ever been. I think there is a big lesson in here for all of us. I think we all need to really look at what we think makes us feel good. I don’t think it’s easy. What really makes us feel fabulous? I think we’ve believed that hard work isn’t a good thing. Hard is bad and we never want hard. We want easy. But just maybe that is not what we really want. Maybe that doesn’t make us feel good.
I also just watched a friend cross the finish line for a half marathon. Nothing at all easy in that. And she looked stuffed. But the smile on her face was unbelievable. Sheer delight and pure joy at what she had achieved. I cried watching so many of the runners finish and thinking about how they must be feeling. I’m so keen I’m going to start running at the age of 47 and do one in a year’s time. Because why not? I’m letting go of ‘I can’t’. I didn’t think I liked running but with practice surely it gets more enjoyable – nothing is enjoyable as an absolute beginner. So I’m putting up my hand to step up and I’m excited. I’m looking forward to hard. I’m looking forward to what seems impossible becoming only hard. And maybe what seems hard then becoming ok. And maybe what being ok becoming kind of easy in its own way. I think getting good at something is definitely feel good.
2.5 years ago I had $29,000 of debt. Was paying it off easy? No. But do I have a whole new respect for money and also for myself and what I can achieve? Yes. I am so pleased for the experience to give me more confidence and faith in myself and my dreams. I feel amazing – I feel so proud of myself. And 6 months later I still have these feelings. Does life ever feel better than this? And hard work got me to feeling amazing. Is everything that’s worthwhile in life actually hard? Sitting on the lounge and having wine is easy but does it ever really make me feel good?
So do you maybe think the purpose of life should be fun? I want you to imagine what is fun for you now. What you think is the best fun ever. Lying on a beach with cocktails, eating at a beautiful restaurant, reading, racing cars, going out with friends. Now imagine doing that all day every single day for 6 months. Would it still seem so much fun? Or would the fun start to wear off? Would you want something new and more exciting? Is that kind of like getting out of your comfort zone? And is getting out of your comfort zone easy? No, I don’t think so. So maybe easy isn’t satisfying. Maybe easy doesn’t make you feel good.
And I like the philosophy that we are here to feel good. I can see how so many different experiences fit into that idea. And it’s not about happy clappy positivity all the time, it’s not about killing yourself to achieve. It’s about nurturing yourself to feel good about yourself. It’s doing things that make you feel good. Increasing your self esteem and being who you want to be. Who you can be. And feeling so proud and happy. Connecting deeply with your joy and fulfilment.
What do you think about the idea of easy versus the idea of doing what makes you feel good? That our purpose in life is to feel good?
Be kind to yourself (so you can always feel good).
Wx
