Sarah Wilson wrote something in her book that really resonated with me.  She said she doesn’t go for beautiful expensive spa massages because there is too much pressure to relax and enjoy every second.  She goes to really cheap places.  The outcome doesn’t matter so much, she can just let go.  There is no expectation.

I went for a facial a while ago at my gorgeous beautician.  And an incredible back massage.  I also bought new French organic face cleanser.  $247 all up and I didn’t have an income at the time.  Usually it’s brilliant value for over 2 hours of pure pampering.  But I also really like the beautician.  Therefore when I go every 2 months we end up chatting most of the time about life.  And then I kind of feel like I miss the whole thing because I am focused on the conversation and not on the beautiful pampering I am receiving.

And this is what happened on my holiday to Hawaii mid last year.  I’d never been there before.  I absolutely hate missing out.  And I was more concerned that the people I was with were having a good time.  I couldn’t let go of planning and organising – but what is the point of a holiday, a ‘break’?  So I’d want to know where we were going for dinner to ensure we could get a reservation and they wouldn’t really care.  But the idea I might miss out on the best restaurant and the best food is what gets me.  But then if I drink too much I miss half the experience.  So all in all it was fun but not some amazing holiday like holidays are often meant to be.  I just couldn’t relax with a book next to the pool because I was always thinking what if.  What’s next?  What do they want to do?  What about tomorrow?  How many days left?  And a lack of exercise most days on this trip will always leave me feeling anxious and guilty for it.

Fast forward to December last year and I went to Palm Cove (far north east Australia coast) on my own (photos above).  I’ve been here numerous times before.  It was perfect.  Firstly there is one INCREDIBLE restaurant in the very small sleepy village called NuNu so I pretty much went there every day.  I got to eat everything on the menu with an accompanying couple of drinks and felt fabulous.  One night I had degustation and matching wine.  The only night I really got a little drunk.  But that fitted in nicely because once you are relaxed, drunk is kind of different.  So I woke up feeling fine.  I did some achievement / studying stuff every day and I got out of my comfort zone by going to some unknown early morning yoga classes.  That made me feel like a hero.  And they were lovely classes.  And exercise was included first thing every day.  Walking in tropical bliss?  Hard to call that exercise really.

And the more I write this the more I think about Sarah’s book and the idea that I lived with anxiety more than I realised.  Without realising.  I think learning this has really started to help me let go.  Not hold on so tight.  And therefore when the universe is teaching you something and wants you to take it seriously, everything on my Instagram is about letting go, enjoying the journey, enjoying not having control.  And this is going to lead to so much calmness.  I feel I can offer the world more if I can be happy and optimistic me, but also if I can be calm. Limitless, and more zen like.  In the frazzle and chaos of life these days, calmness will attract clients to me and help my journey to work.  The better I am, well, the better I am.  Isn’t that all we want?  Zen and calm and self acceptance??????  Not more shopping and stuff.

I also think this means my next holiday is going to be so much easier after putting in all the work over the last few months to put myself first and let go.  To just ‘be’ on holidays.  Because what we are doing doesn’t matter.  I can book myself a couple of restaurants and then just let the rest happen.  Just let there be flow.  I really have learnt a lot over the last 5 months – I never would’ve come to this realisation before.  I have learnt so much about changing your mindset, becoming aware of your thoughts and how much they stop you from doing.  And that it is possible to change your beliefs about yourself and about the world.  And doing this makes the world so much more wonderful.  And makes you feel so much better about yourself.  So much more confidence, curiosity, letting go of outcomes and expectations.  Just being curious.  Just accepting what is.  Not feeling I need to control everything so much.  Because the reality is you can’t control the world around you, so trying to do it just sets you up for failure and a lot of misery.

OMG and I am not really writing this, but just maybe, just maybe, a huge maybe, maybe I am not really someone that is cut out for huge different place travel.  Even though that’s been my dream most of my life.  I’ll sit and ponder that for a bit.  I don’t have to have answers for everything because I am letting go of control.

Be kind to yourself. (Make your life as easy as possible doing what you love and learning to let go!)

Wx