When are we truly happy? How can you tell? I always like to think I’m the expert but sometimes it feels a little out of your immediate grasp. It’s really not just being crazily positive and optimistic.
And sometimes what you think should make you happy isn’t what makes you happy. And maybe it changes from day to day.
So I’m thinking about this sitting at the international airport in Sydney spoiling myself with a mimosa, earl grey and avo/egg/cherry toms/feta on sourdough waiting for a flight to New Zealand to spend 4 days. I’m incredibly happy but there seems to be a behind the scenes anxiety – are the announcements I can’t hear about me, how far is the gate, when should I leave to go to the gate, will my bag get there, have I forgotten something, what if I don’t have enough money, what if I get lost, what if picked the wrong seat? And why do we worry about things that haven’t even happened and probably won’t happen? And things that are all fixable. What a waste. Why wouldn’t we be focussed on all the good things that are going to happen. Surely I don’t know what they all are, but what I do know is that most things I do will be my choice. There’s some pure freedom in that. It’s up to me what I say yes and no to. So I can choose to do things that make me happy/bring me joy.
I guess I am finally learning how much time I waste possibly worrying about things instead of looking ahead with anticipation and joy for what might be. Having a sense of confidence that ‘I’ve got this’, whatever happens I will be ok. Because I have made it to 47 with nothing really bad happening. And remembering that maybe the bad stuff can be good because you learn so much and grow and feel even more confidence you will be ok. And that maybe you will even become greater. I am quite amazed when I look at what I’ve achieved over the last year and how different my mindset has become.
So why haven’t I been excited until now? Why not spend the week or month before holidays visualising all the incredible things that may happen rather than worrying about what needs to happen first. What if exchanging money could be seen as fun instead of a chore on a list to be ticked off?
Wow. Travelling on your own gives you so much reflection time. Maybe it should be compulsory. A chance for us all to get to know ourselves a little better.
The most amazing thing happened to me on Sunday. I had a coaching session with one of my fellow coaches. May not sound life changing but we focused on a goal for me to feel incredibly happy about my week ahead being filled with joy and ease. (Imagine having to be helped to feel happy when you are about to be on holidays – what has happened to our minds????) We talked about the barriers that might get in the way of me not feeling this way. There were 4 elements. The first being board papers were due out at work – what if I didn’t get the changes back from the Chair until Tuesday night when I was due to finish work? Well we worked on the fact that the universe gives you back what you focus on. And that it will work out however it is meant to work out. Next thing you know board papers were all approved first thing Monday morning with no changes. The second thing was doing a meditation at work – just playing someone else’s 10 minute guided relaxation for any staff that wanted to attend. I was nervous but it went well. This was about the next steps for my journey to helping people to feel good about themselves. The whole reason I started coaching. Second tick. An unexpected tick was that I donated $25 to our charity at work for a bake sale and I won $25 in the horse race sweeps. If that’s not the universe giving me a karma/laws of attraction lesson then I’m not sure we will ever get the lesson. Incredible how changing your thinking can change outcomes. (Of course there is no scientific evidence but if I keep thinking/doing feel good stuff and I get feel good stuff in return why would I give it up?) So next up is staying on budget and feeling healthy this week on holidays with my extravagant ex flatmate. But after talking it through I realised the world is abundant, and that if French champagne is bought for me, I don’t need to buy the next bottle and I don’t need to drink it. So changing the thoughts in my head really grounded me. And of course the biggest key is how I’m going to feel on Sunday night when I get home. When I see myself on budget and having done 2 runs it will feel awesome. I will be so incredibly proud of myself and happy and even a little in awe of myself and is there any better feeling????? Watch this space, I know I can do it.
My goodness, I am the wanker at the airport bar with expensive food and drinks writing for their blog. Ok maybe not the wanker – maybe this is ok. Why do I feel it’s not ok? Is it about what do I deserve? Am I enough? Why wouldn’t I just sit here going life is perfect for right now because I am loving thinking about these things and writing. Who cares what other people think? How do we do that more? Which made me feel incredible gratitude to the person that gave me my mac even if we don’t really talk anymore – so in the interests of being grateful I just sent a text to say thanks because it has made such a big difference to my journey.
Oh and I love shazam – check out ‘Cruel to be Kind’ by Lisa Mitchell. What a stunning version.
Anyway there is really no point or lesson to this post. It’s just the constant wondering about what is life? What are we striving for? Who are we? Who do we want to be? What’s the formula? And how incredibly lucky and privileged so many of us are and we don’t really appreciate it and walk around thanking out lucky stars every second of every day.
Wishing you every happiness for the week ahead, and for being able to feel joy and anticipation for what might be. And for what you might make be.
Be kind to yourself.
Wxx
PS How cute is the lighting on this building in Auckland? It’s now Sunday night and I’ve done 2 runs and I’ve stayed on budget. I’ve reached every goal I set for this week and some of them felt very very challenging. But I achieved them. Best best feeling in the world. Apart from getting home to huge hug from boyfriend – that’s going to pure joy and happiness too. The world truly can be amazing when we create our own wonderful.
