Summer in Sydney.  Late afternoon warmth and dappled sunlight on your skin.  Glorious.

Now I’m not sure if it’s a new year, a full moon or just is what it is, but everything feels like it’s coming to a head.  Things feel unsettled.  The more work I do learning who I am, what I want and my definition of greatness the more it seems to be upsetting people.  The more I love and respect myself and set boundaries, the more selfish and ungrateful I appear.  And yet oddly I kind of like this. I like that I’ve come so far it is triggering other people’s beliefs.  It feels like I am making an impact. Making myself and maybe even others think.  Saying no has become my favourite thing.  Saying no to ‘shoulds’ is especially important to me.  I have become very sensitive to drama, negativity, blame and continuing issues. I was a little embarrassed about that and felt like a bit of a prima donna but not anymore.  Now saying no to these things feels good. I want to be a person that says yes to anything that feels good, makes me learn something or helps me to become a better person. I want to say yes to inspiring conversations and excitement about is possible for all of us. I no longer want to talk about my excuses and what I can’t do. I want to talk about finding solutions to do things. And think about doing things I never thought possible. I want to learn so much more about myself. To learn to dream big.

This week at spin when I was by far the worst in the class I finally saw the blessing in that. Normally I would feel not good enough. But I finally understood that this inspired me to want to do better – to catch up. If I was the best in the class I wouldn’t see something to aspire to – I could just rest knowing I am the best. I want to now be in situations where I am inspired by others to be better. Now I get if you’re the smartest person in the room you are in the wrong room. It’s not about feeling that you don’t fit in, it’s about how do I become more?  Fitter, healthier, smarter, wealthier, more adventurous, more skilled, more self awareness, more experienced – a master of life. So if my no’s are upsetting people I am ok with that. I am allowed to respect myself and want a better life. I can question all the rules in my life. I can set my own rules for how I want to live.

And I want to say a huge thanks to Pauline Nguyen @paulinespeaks for always questioning everything in life – your article on marriage this week was so thought provoking and another brilliant example for me about rules we have in our heads that might be right for us, might be wrong for us, but let’s question them to find out. Loved it. Thank you for reminding me to give myself permission to live life on my terms. I also can’t stress enough how grateful I am right now, how lucky I am feeling to be on this journey. Which may seem so lonely, difficult, depressing and nearly impossible at times but at other times is the most uplifting, blissful experience that I know is right for me. I know I am coming home. I know I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I know I am becoming the best version of me. Isn’t this what life is about?

Be kind to yourself.

Wxx