This book is NOT about getting up at 5am, meditation and green smoothies. It IS about what you do, why you do it and how you feel about it. And it’s not just for high performers, it’s for anyone wanting a better life.
I loved this book so much. It’s definitely a keeper (a big call when I am currently being ruthless with books). If we can follow these steps life will be amazing. Really sensible practical steps and ways to be a better version of yourself more easily able to head in the direction to who you want to be.
“It’s about creating a high performance life, in which you experience an ongoing feeling of full engagement, joy, and confidence that comes from being your best self.” Yes please I say!
Brilliant questions and prompts to really help you get more clarity on what you want and why. It’s about growth and adding value. “Passion + growth + contribution = personal satisfaction”
The 6 habits are:
PERSONAL HABITS
1. Seek clarity
2. Generate energy
3. Raise necessity
SOCIAL HABITS
4. Increase productivity
5. Develop influence
6. Demonstrate courage
Read on to get my ideas on what each of them mean and more quotes from the book.
- Seek clarity
Find what matters to you. Get clear on who you want to be and how you want to feel. Clarity for your future. What does a better future version of you look like? In all situations – at work, your health, with your kids, relationship, energy. When looking for meaning what makes you excited and enthusiastic.
- Generate energy
Learn how to relax your body, set an intention, bring the joy (as a choice in every situation) and optimise your health.
“This means you don’t have to wait for joy, motivation, love, excitement, or any other position emotion in life. You can choose to generate it, on demand, any time you want, through the power of habit.”
I love these ideas on what high performers do every day:
“think about how they want to feel”
“anticipate positive outcomes from their actions”
“seek to insert appreciation, surprise, wonder, and challenge into their day”
“regularly reflect on all that they’re grateful for”
“what do I want to be excited about today, cultivate joy… it’s a choice”
So much of this is what I learnt at Tony Robbins as well. Instead of focusing on everyone and everything having to bring me joy, I started looking for it from the inside out. I came out of Date with Destiny understanding my happiness is up to me and not up to other people to either entertain me, love me, make me feel special, tell me I’m good enough etc. I no longer expect other people to make me feel a certain way, I am responsible for how I want to feel. What do I need to do to feel the way I want to feel?
- Raise necessity
“Have you ever noticed that you feel guilty when you’re not living your values or being the best version of yourself? Conversely, have you noticed how good you feel when you’re being a good person and following through on what you say and desire? When we do what aligns with our future identity, we are more driven and likely to do a great job. Naturally, we all want to do a good job on things that are important to us.
“I’ve found that underperformers, on the other hand, are often less self-aware and sometimes oblivious to their behavior and their results. People who set goals and regularly self-monitor, are almost two and a half times more likely to attain their goals. They also develop more accurate plans and feel more motivated to follow through on them. In one review of 138 studies spanning more than 19.000 participants, researchers found that monitoring progress is just as important to goal attainment as setting a clear goal in the first place.
“And they feel that they’re on the right path because they frequently check in with themselves. The goal for all underperformers must be to set new standards, self-monitor more frequently, and learn to become comfortable with taking a hard, unflinching look at their own performance. Sometimes the fastest way to get back in the game is to expect something from yourself again.
High performers “…make their dream a reality. … they expect themselves to make it happen. And so they do. It changes from a desire to feel a particular state of emotion – passion, to a quest to be a particular kind of person. It becomes part of you, something you value more deeply than other things. It becomes necessary for you.”
And a couple of nuggets of wisdom:
“… curiosity makes it enjoyable”
“But the bold know that to win, one must first begin.
“What is a ‘real’ deadline? It’s a date that matters because, if it isn’t met, real negative consequences happen, and if it is real, benefits come to fruition.
So what’s the key?
“..find something to care deeply about. We change and improve over time only when we must. And when it gets most difficult, we remember our cause.”
- Increase productivity – clear goals, aim attention, focus & minimise distractions.
How cool is this:
“Having a plan and working through it step-by-step is more important than you think. A plan focuses scattered thinking. And finishing each vital task on your list fires off dopamine in the brain, making you feel both rewarded and more motivated to continue.” We all know I absolutely love a plan! Well a goal list as a minimum.
- Develop influence
This one I didn’t gel with as much as the others. So in my words I believe it’s about the fact that we are part of the human race. We do not live in isolation. So how do we work / live better with others? How do we become the sort of people that can influence their kids to be better people, to influence the people at work to do their best and want to help each other out to get the best results? Brandon uses the word leadership a lot in place of influence. If it was my book, I think I would change the word influence to inspire. And maybe that’s all part of my limited thinking on being a leader, but I digress…
“Ultimate influence model – teach people how to think, role model the way, challenge people to grow and contribute.”
- Demonstrate courage
Brandon notes this is how to increase courage:
“…the more they do it, the more confidence they gain and the more fearless they become. The more experience they had in facing their fear, the less fear and stress they felt. The more we do something successfully, the more comfortable we become with it.”
To be courageous means we need to do what’s hard. To put one toe outside our comfort zone and keep going.
“No one who achieved greatness avoided struggle. They met it, engaged with it. They knew that it was necessary, because they knew that real challenge and hardship pushed them, extended their capabilities, made them rise. When we learn to see struggle as a necessary, important, and positive part of our journey, then we can find true peace and personal power.”
EXTRA TIDBITS (yes I just wanted to write tidbits)
You’ve got to love a man that writes this in his book:
“I’ve just made what I consider a simple choice in life: to be a satisfied striver rather than a dissatisfied curmudgeon. Whistle while you work, or grit your teeth and huff and puff? It’s a choice.”
A reminder that all you need to do is start. Then keep taking one step at a time. Embrace being a beginner because it’s the path to something better:
“Just because you can’t keep up doesn’t mean you can’t show up. Only by showing up consistently, even when you’re the greenest novice, will you ever get that experience and confidence.”
The importance of acknowledging all of your achievements – including the smallest baby steps (get out that calendar or whiteboard and write them all down and see how quickly they add up):
“High performers ponder the lessons from their wins. They give credit to themselves, and they allow those wins to integrate into their psyche and give them greater strength. Underperformers rarely reflect on their lessons learned, and if they do, they are too hard on themselves. They just don’t let themselves feel the win. …. Obviously they don’t recognize how much they’ve learned, how far they’ve come, what they are capable of doing now or in the future. They lowball themselves even when they’ve put in the miles. And so they lack confidence. That’s why, as you strive, it’s important that you begin a practice of reflecting on your progress and your new learning.”
What do you think? Some incredible wisdom here. I look forward to doing more of the exercises in this book and seeing where it might take me as the next step on my journey.
Be kind to yourself.
Wxx
