Sounds simple enough but I am shaking my head at how much I forget to do this.  I make so many assumptions about people when I meet them, based on the people I have met in the past.  I think it’s part of me (or maybe all of us) trying to be efficient and work them out as soon as I can.  Save time and energy getting to really know them.  Rushing towards the destination instead of enjoying the journey.  And not wanting to look stupid for asking basic questions to really understand.

Here’s what happened a few weekends back.  Went for a walk with new boyfriend.  We knew where we were starting and we knew where we wanted to end up but we weren’t quite sure exactly how to get there – neither of us could actually picture where the streets led in our minds.  I was fine to just head in the general direction.  He kept asking me if I wanted him to check the map.

So I thought that meant he wanted to check the map.  I interpreted this as him not liking being lost and he wanted to make the trip as short as possible.  I was slightly irritable.  He became slightly irritable.  When we finally talked about it later, he explained he loves being lost and was only trying to help me because I seemed to be in such a hurry.  He became irritable because I was in such a hurry for seemingly no reason.  Turns out we were both on the same page but didn’t know it.  I made assumptions about what he was thinking.  I was totally wrong.  But it made sense based on most of the people I’ve known in my life.  I therefore thought people all thought like that.  Wouldn’t it be much easier if we just asked?

I guess I have a childhood message coming into this one about not bothering people.  Don’t pester them.  Don’t ask too many questions.  But how do we get to know people without questions?  How do we get to find out what they like without asking?  Why would I expect myself to be a mind reader?  It turns out I am not.  I was wrong.

I wonder how many other things happen in my head, in my belief system, that make me think things about people that aren’t right?   Maybe I’ve missed lots of fun and happiness in life by generalising about people and not being more open?

What a beautiful ideal opportunity to start really delving more deeply into what makes people tick.  What excites them.  What they love.  Rather than just blindly carrying on as though I know everything and making decisions on their behalf that don’t suit them?

I am absolutely fascinated by this.  Humans are the most interesting creatures.  Our minds are so capable of the most incredible feats but we close them down to a small space to try and stay in control.  And I’m sure that’s not everyone.  But I would imagine it’s quite a lot of us.  And I wonder if it happens as we get older and think we know more?  But what if we stopped making assumptions and started having better conversations?  I wonder what would happen…  I’m about to try and find out.

Be kind to yourself.

Wxx