Is confidence and being comfortable in your own skin the same thing?
Where does self esteem fit into this?
Lewis Howes was talking about past relationships and delving into what they might have had in common and why they might not have worked. Compared to his current partner he noted previous ones were extraordinary women but they were all lacking in confidence. Imagine how heartbreaking it is tell a woman she is really beautiful, or you are really proud of her achievement and she just brushes it off with something like ‘anyone could of have done it, it was nothing special, I should’ve done better, I’m not beautiful because my eyes are uneven’. In reality it’s like being told you are lying or you are stupid. And after a while I imagine that becomes quite demoralising and stops you wanting to compliment or even acknowledge someone’s greatness. He said he adores being with someone now that can appreciate all her strengths, love herself, accept herself for who she is and be proud of her achievements (while continuing to strive to get to the next level). What if we started saying thank you to compliments. There is so much more ease and joy involved for everyone. For Lewis, she’s happy being her and he loves being able to appreciate her.
A client sent me an article about confidence. It was brilliant. “Confidence: 2 reasons most people don’t have it” by Benjamin Hardy and there were so many gems. It started about past performance being a key indicator of confidence because it shapes your BELIEFS about what is possible. So faith and confidence become the same thing. Therefore you need to take action and do things to believe in what you can do and achieve in the future. And every thing you start and complete grows your confidence. And that doing the things that matter are the key. Doing something for your future self instead of watching TV. Things that make you a better person, be who you want to be – do them, complete them and confidence grows. It’s an exceptional article and I loved it. Is part of me now feeling more comfortable in my skin about the goals I am setting on a yearly basis and ticking off? Confidence or comfortable in your own skin? Or both?
We went to the Norman Lindsay museum a couple of weekends ago. So much of his work was about painting and sculpting naked women. And they were magnificent. It gave me such a sense of peace with the human form because I could feel his love for women’s bodies. That we are all beautiful how we are. And celebrating that was such a beautiful thing for the artist to do. It made me so calm that when we did the 20 min bush walk out the back in the stunning Blue Mountains at closing time, I decided to take my clothes off and pose for some photos!!!!! And oddly it felt like the most normal thing in the world to do. I felt confident (maybe marathon training helped with that) but totally comfortable in my skin. That I don’t look perfect but I am not meant to. Beauty isn’t in perfection. And if anyone turned up they were people that had already chosen to attend a gallery filled with naked women so I didn’t feel I was going to offend anyone. The setting was beautiful, the late afternoon golden sunshine was warm. I was so pleased with myself for getting out of my comfort zone. And like many things more confidence comes from taking action (in this case facing fears and growing my mind by changing my beliefs about what is right and wrong) and doing what matters. One of my hugest breakthroughs from Tony Robbins (whole other post to come as I’ve been reflecting on what I learnt) was that my highest value is love. That everything I want to do/be/become is from a place of love. Love for myself, for the planet, for other people. This was the best opportunity for me to be that love. For my myself, for my partner – to bring him joy and pleasure and give him the gift of me being comfortable in my own skin.
Where does the line then get crossed from confidence to arrogance? Is getting naked out in public a display of confidence or just plain old showing off? Who makes that decision? Who wrote the rules? I am having a lot of conversations with people that are growing, learning, improving life and does shouting our achievements makes us up ourselves, or boastful; is it bragging? Does not talking about achievements and appearing to be humble helping the world? Or is it sending the message to never talk about the great things in your life? If you work damn hard and lose weight, get a running PB, buy a house, shouldn’t you be allowed to be proud of yourself? I actually didnt like Lewis Howes’ girlfriend (who I don’t even know, just saw on social media) because she seemed totally up herself. How dare she wear that in public. She’s such a show off. That’s just screaming for attention. And all it said was something about me and my rules. Because after listening to Lewis on why he loved her I have a whole new respect for her. So maybe we all need do start doing more of what we want to do no matter what everyone else thinks. It’s always been said it is their issue not ours when someone doesn’t like us, but sometimes (especially for me) I need a real life example to make it sink in. How can I judge another person I know absolutely nothing about!!!! Isn’t she really being a role model for young women to go after their dreams without making her dreams smaller to make other people feel better? Does our greatness allow others to enjoy their greatness? The more of us that hide, the more people are expected to hide. Why should we hide what we work so hard for?
Is confidence being proud of our achievements but arrogance is thinking we are better than everyone else? Isn’t leading by example a good thing? I think the best role model for this is Kate Maree O’Brien – check her out. She is totally learning to own her amazing life and not apologise for shouting from the rooftops. And as as I’ve said before, we celebrate children’s achievements, no matter how big or small, so why can’t we celebrate as adults??????
What do you think about confidence? Are you comfortable in your own skin? Do you feel you need to be humble? Does that make you a better person? What are you prepared to tell people you have achieved? Some people not other people? Do you keep your achievements to yourself? Does that help the world? What would it be like to share more? What if people wanted the opportunity to celebrate with you? What if you could be the inspiration for someone else?
Be kind to yourself.
Wendy x
