Life will never be the same and here’s why.
Firstly, I changed my primary question.
What’s this? Well it’s basically what is on constant repeat in your head. What is your primary focus in life? What do you consistently focus on? Why do we do what we do?
My primary question was this: How do I prove I am enough?
My new primary question is this: How can I appreciate even more the love and greatness within me right now?
Isn’t that beautiful? Doesn’t it sound so much better? Feel so much better? It fills my heart every time I remember it. So now I need to keep focusing on this all day every day. Keep coming back to it. Paste it everywhere. Think about it before decisions. Help it to become ingrained as a part of me. I have a lightness and don’t feel I need to prove myself anymore. To myself or to anyone else. Of course there are still days when I forget (ie feeling I failed by walking so much in the marathon) but when I come back to this, everything becomes better. I guess in some ways it’s like an affirmation but I thinks it’s more effective and is easier to believe. And again, the key is ensuring it’s written everywhere, my phone beeps every hour to remind me etc etc. Until it really is who I am.
Secondly, I changed my values. I’ve done a lot of work on this over the years but Tony had quite a different approach and I think it has better outcomes than what I have done before. Mostly because it FEELS much better. Just like our primary question, our values influence our decisions.
Based on my history, my experiences in life and beliefs my OLD values (most important things to me) were: feeling in control, safe/secure, liked, happy, useful/worthwhile, good, attractive, positive, smart enough, special, loved and fun/funny/entertaining.
Does that sound fun? No, it sounds horrendous. No wonder I never felt happy deep down inside. My whole life was based around trying to get approval from other people. And trying to control the world which is impossible. The only thing we can control (sometimes) is ourselves. I was setting myself up for failure. Control/safety meant not getting out of my comfort zone, not learning anything new, never feeling proud for being brave, never feeling fulfilled, not being curious, not being able to risk falling in love, not being flexible and really being very scared about the future.
Writing my new values is probably one of the most joyful things I’ve ever done.
The most important things to me now are:
- Love
- Health
- Gratitude
- Fearless/courageous
- Learn/grow
- Fun/happy
- Make a difference
- Passion
- Success
How different does that feel? It is all about me being who I want to be and not about other people being responsible for making me happy.
I never thought other people were responsible for my happiness but the values I was living were expecting it. Totally incongruent which lead to unhappiness and not understanding why.
Now that I make decisions primarily from a place of love, EVERYTHING is more peaceful. Things seem to flow. I don’t feel I need to force things as much. I feel like I am in the right place at the right time and everything is working out for me.
Tony loves this stuff so much (especially the values) that he spent heaps of time training us on how to do it, so that we can do it for other people. If you are interested in doing some work on your values, I’d love some guinea pigs to test out the process. Email me at wendy@nofearfromhere.com and we can plan a time.
In the meantime, with joy and lightness, be kind to yourself.
Wxx
